I am an Indian! At least I think I am…
I am an Indian!! At least I think I am…
By Shawn Genomal
This is the first blog I’ve ever written, I know that some of you know me as a geek and some as a nerd, but to be honest, I’ve never really wanted to write a blog before Rachana (Head Editor In Charge) volunteered my services for this little write up that you see here before you. I figure while I’m here I might as well tell you something that’s been bothering be for some time now.
As Sindhi’s we know who we are and where we come from. We even know our basic ancestral history and why we are all dispersed across the many corners of the world. We’ve even come to enjoy our new lives and have come to love the people we’ve become. Whether we’re in the Philippines, Hong Kong, Japan, UK, USA, Spain, Gibraltar, Singapore, Australia, Jakarta, SriLanka some place way out in the boonies, we have all come to adopt our new accents and languages and even ways of life. This is all well and good and most of us have come to be accepted into our adopted societies and we fit in well. But once all is aid and done, are we still really Indian? How do we define ourselves as being Indian? Is it being Hindu that makes us Indian? India has large populations of Christians, Muslims, bud hists etc… so I guess no. Is it our ethnicity that makes us Indian? Well if that was the case then we could be Pakistani or even SriLankan. Is it our Language that makes us Indian? What’s the Indian Language? Is it Hindi? They don’t even speak that in the South of India… So I guess not. How do we know that we’re really Indian? What do we say when we fill in the arrival card when we land in India for the first time in our lives with our foreign accents, foreign passports, western style of dress, and western influenced music in our iPods?
I’ve lived in India now for 4 years and to be honest, I don’t really feel all that Indian. I’ve been called an NRI, a foreigner, an ABCD (which is just mean!) and one time I was yelling at a guy who almost ran me over at the airport, to which he exclaimed: “Here in India we don’t do such things.” I have 100% Indian blood in me, my parents are Indian and their parents are Indian!! I don’t need to speak Hindi in South India because no one else does. I wear the same clothes that the rest of the population my age wears and I will stuff my face full of Dosa’s and Raan if given the opportunity. Now based on all these facts, I should be Indian. But I don’t feel like it. I walk down the street and everything I see is still Alien to me, the people I can’t seem to relate to most of the people I meet. I hate driving here more than I’ve hated anything in the world, and I just can’t seem to wrap my head around the devil may cry attitude that Indians have for themselves and their own country.
When I was living in the Philippines I knew I was an outsider, I was a totally different race from the indigenous population, and I was fine with it. But being an outsider in my own country, the place that I have associated myself with for my whole life… it’s a strange feeling to finally come home and realize that I don’t belong here. If I don’t belong in the place where I was born, and I don’t belong in the place where I’m from then where do I belong? Where am I from? I’m Sindhi, does that mean I should go back to Sindh in Pakistan? Do I roam the world looking for a place that will accept me as one of them?
As Sindhis we grapple with the fact that we left home a long time ago, and we adjusted to where we ended up, but have we lost that touch of who we are and where we came from? Will we ever be accepted as Indians not out of politeness of political correctness or even on a technicality, but accepted and treated as Indians from India with all the rights and privileges and honours that we should have?
Shawn Genomal,
After reading your article, I was really intrigued. I’m sure many others were also intrigued. I’ve thought of this same issue many times before in my life.
I’m the type of person that’s looking who I should put the blame on. I don’t like to do it, but I find it almost inevitable for me to point my finger toward my parents. I know they were only looking for a better life, and I usually convince myself that I have a better life because of the decisions they made to go abroad when they were younger.
I believe that my generation has no hope in finding home anywhere in the world in the sense that you seek it, but I’m still optimistic in that I can always worry about making it right for my future kids.
I still wonder though. Would it be a better life for my kids to be raised in India? Is a sense of home or an identity more important than the quality of life? What do I mean by quality of life anyways? Can’t people have a good quality of life in India? Maybe the search for a good quality of life seemed highly impractical for my parents in India, and therefore they were obliged to seek for a better quality of life abroad.
You got me thinking, and you’re probably wondering if I’m even a credible person to be talking about this. I was born and raised on Guam, USA. I moved to Hawai’i, USA when I was 15. I am currently 23. I’ve visited India a number of times, and always felt like an outsider. In Guam, our Indian population is probably about .00001%, so I’ve felt like an outsider there too my whole life. In Hawai’i, I see an Indian person aside from myself and my sister probably about once a month. There are barely any Indians. Now move forward to imagine how many Sindhis are here, very few.
Hey Vishal,
I am planning to move to Guam. I need to know how many indians are in Guam? Could you give any contact leads?
Rajan
You can contact me at rajanshah@yahoo.com. I am from USA. By the way, I will be moving with my family: wife and two kids. Please advise by contacting me at my email address.
Thanks
Hi,
I just had conversation with my mum (who lives in India) and every time I have a conversation on this topic, it just gets me thinking. Before I babble on, I must clarify a few things about me. I am a female, born and bred in India. Lived there for 20 years, then moved to New Zealand. I found a loving Indian man here and settled down.
I am not sure about being a Sindhi because I am not, but I can definitely relate to the feeling of not belonging. I felt I did not belong for as long as i can remember. I ate, lived, breathed Indian culture, not that I had any choice, all my life but never believed in it. I had trouble conforming with the so called rules.
I see you have lived in India for 4 years and still not feel Indian, I don’t blame you. For some reason, the society in India can be very good at making you feel Alien. I have lived there for 20 years and have been abroad for only 5 years and yet every time went back for a visit, I got the same treatment as you.
Coming back to the topic, it is regarding going through a traditional Indian wedding, which is a process of spending and excess I don’t want to go through. I am legally married and that is sufficient for me. And trust me given the current state of the economy, I am glad that I saved all that money. Every child does something in their life to disappoint their parents once, sometimes it is studies or something else, well for me it will have to be this.
I have learned one thing being in India, the more you try and please people around you, the more they will ask and expect from you. Gossiping is us Indians favorite pass time.
If you stand your ground, your beliefs they will learn to accept you for who you are.So throw caution to the air, and live as you want to. Don’t be a football of other peoples opinions.
I have given up and stopped visiting India. I have laid a rule, if you wish to me, come and visit me in NZ, it is my territory and I lay the ground rules here.