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Category: Humor

MG-B Cup Holder

MG-B Cup Holder

About a month ago, while in Miami, I was up at night surfing the net when I came across a car for sale. It was a classic 1978 MGB (classic is the nice way of saying old and rusted). The car was in running condition, which is more than one can ask for in car that is 31 years old. I shipped the car down to Belize and here is how the story goes.

Within a week of getting the car in Belize the cooling system was giving trouble. I managed to sort out that problem and before you know it the battery died. After I changed that, the fuel pump gave way. As soon as that was repaired the alternator decided to join the club of “Car Parts That Are Useless To Me”. During this time I joined an online forum dedicated to MG cars. The following is a post that was published about a week ago.

As previous posts have brought to your attention, I’ve been having major issues with my MGB. First the cooling system, then the fuel pump and this week the alternator, so it might come as a bit of a surprise that I have time to notice that the car does not come with a cup holder.

Earlier today I finally got the car back to working condition and was taking it out for a nice evening drive. I stopped off at a street vendor where I devoured some tacos and exchanged pleasantries with a young latin girl who was curious about the car. Upon finishing up I proceeded back to my car with half a bottle of Coke. I sat down put the key in the ignition and was looking to place the bottle down in a secure place when I realized there just wasn’t any place to do that. I lifted up the center console and wedged the bottle in there, using the tension to hold it in place.

Upon the drive home I contemplated as to where can you fit a cupholder in this already tiny car? Then it dawned on me, I have the perfect cup holder for this car…

By Ajay Hotchandani

Veganism Uncovered

Veganism Uncovered

Is Veganism a cult?
Umm, yeah. We have secret meetings and sign our names in our own blood. Of course it isn’t.

A Rock Metal band then?
No although there are a lot of punk and rock bands that advocate it.

What is Veganism and is it contagious?
It’s a philosophy of life and yes, I think it’s contagious. Veganism is a philosophy that is based on peace and the idea of respect for all sentient beings. Vegans believe that humans have no right to use animals for our own ends. A vegan is a person who does not consume and avoids using any products that come from animals, including meat, dairy, leather, fur, wool, etc.

Vegans believe that since animals have the capacity to suffer physically just like humans, and that they have the capacity to suffer mentally in many ways similar to humans, we have no right to abuse or exploit them. It is true that animals cannot reason as we can, or are “more stupid” than us, but how does that give us the right to use them? I’d like to mention a famous quote by Jeremy Bentham that goes with that sentiment:

“The question is not, ‘Can they reason?’ nor, ‘Can they talk?’ but rather, ‘Can they suffer?’”

We are spared the sight of slaughterhouses – all we see is what ends up on our plate and we do not think of it as being a once-living, sentient being. But if we all saw the suffering, I know things would be different for most people.

Is there a rivalry between the Vegans and Jains?
Not that I know of?

How does Veganism differ from Vegetarianism?
Vegetarians do not eat the flesh of animals, while vegans go beyond that and do not eat or use anything that comes from animals.

So taking into account the number of Vegans, Vegetarians and Jains, if there was a war between the three groups, who would win?
That’s a peculiar question but since you asked, probably the vegetarians since there are so many more of them….vegans are pretty passionate about their beliefs and might carry that into the battle, but I do not think they would do well against the number of vegetarians out there.

What usually turns someone into a Vegan; is there a common turning point amongst most people?
Numerous people attribute their decision to becoming vegan to a book by Peter Singer called ‘Animal Liberation’. The book talks about the ethics behind being vegetarian or vegan and the conditions of animals in factory farms. Many call the book the bible of the animal rights movement. It’s kind of what really got the ball moving on activism for animals.

Others say they turned vegan or vegetarian from learning about the conditions in factory farms from other sources such as pamphlets and videos from animal rights organizations and activists.

Do Vegans have a leader, the Head Vegan perhaps, and how long has this cult been around?
I do not have the authority to disclose that information.

How long has Veganism been around?
I know it’s been around a very long time…but it’s been picking up in popularity lately.

How does one become a Vegan – is registration and a fee required?
Some people turn cold turkey and just stop eating meat, eggs, and dairy all at once but that is not too common. Usually people transform in stages – most of the vegans I know were vegetarian first, and then turned vegan after a few years or so. I think that is the best way to go – it gives your body time to adjust, and it lets you learn the different non-meat foods out there so you know what else there is to eat before you take the next step.

How about some sort of incentive, like a free T-Shirt or a 401k plan?
Nope. The only incentive, which I think is a great one, is the knowledge that you are living a more compassionate lifestyle and are not contributing to animal suffering.

Does Vegansim have any religious connotations?
People have linked it to any religion’s preaching of compassion and nonviolence, so religion can be used to back up veganism.

Is Veganism itself a religion, belief or faith?
Not really. It’s more of an extension of the belief that animals are not ours to use.

Do Vegans wear a uniform, tattoo or have any other form of branding so they can be identified?
Nope, we blend right in with ‘normal people’.

What if a Vegan consumes non-Vegan products by mistake, are they to spend eternity in Vegan purgatory?
That happens all the time because it is very hard to know exactly what goes into the foods and products you use. So no, they do not go to vegan purgatory, they just try to avoid it next time.

What does one have to do if they wanted to leave the Vegan band and go solo? Is there a prayer or ritual, a Virgin Sacrifice perhaps?
They can’t ever leave.

Good for Vegans cause you’d be hard pressed to find a Virgin to sacrifice in this day and age, am I right or am I right?
Yeah you probably are.

Does your kind go from door to door in robes trying to convert people to your faith?
We do not need to do that. Like I said before, veganism is contagious. We try to educate people on why we made the decision to make the switch, not by going door to door, though, and usually they see our point of view.

Do you Vegans congregate around a fire in the dark of night and chant spells?
You’d have to join them in order to find out.

Is it true that your kind are allergic to sunlight, garlic and holy water and the only way to get rid of you is a wooden stake through the heart? Also, you should know I have a stake under my chair so no sudden movements, capiche?
Why would I tell you how to get rid of vegans? And I think you’re probably thinking of Vampires.

Vampires? But I thought you were Vegan!
That’s it, this interview is over!

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Ms.Sunaina Chugani for taking the time out to help shed light on the topic of Veganism and for being such a good sport about it.

Observations

Observations

Observations

Throughout life there are multiple observations that we make on a daily basis, and these numerous thoughts that cross our mind are stored way at the back. After much pondering, I felt it was time to put pen to paper and bring some of these long lost thoughts to the forefront.

Glam Shots

Facebook, Friendster, My Space and every other social website is littered with vanity shots on crack. Some have them up for fun, while others utilize them as a tool to garner attention and interest from the opposite sex (or maybe the same sex). The issue is that ‘Glam Shots’ are simply no more than false advertising. The individual never looks as good as the picture, and he/she is only creating high expectations in turn, setting the audience (and themselves) up for disappointment. So boys and girls, next time you drool over a glam pic of a supposed hottie on Facebook, just keep in mind, ‘Glam’s a scam!’ and demand a Polaroid!

Reflections and Ratings

As the saying goes ‘the friends you keep reflect who you are,’ and as one matures, we learn that there is a certain level of merit to that statement. Mingling with the likes of the serial party crasher or the pseudo spiritual who, in reality, is a slave to society, can (and does) alter the public’s perception of you. The thinking is, ‘if his/her circle of friends is damaged, then by association, he/she must be too’! Of course, this isn’t always the case; every rule has its exception. But more often than not, the theory holds. Hence, we are victims of perception by association – this is no truer than when it comes to the dating scene. The fact is that we are often rated by our past transgressions or conquests which can work both for, or against us. To illustrate this notion, I’ll share a dialogue that occurs every so often;

A: Dude, what about Amy, she’s cute?

B: She is but she dated Jay and he’s an absolute wan*er.

Such ideology is a two-way street, which is to say when an individual is involved with someone out of their league, it only raises their stock value in the eyes of the public. Many will argue that such thinking is superficial. Unfortunately, such is the society we live in.

Another Notch

We’re all aware of individuals who womanize and ‘manize’ and etch another notch on their bedpost with every conquest. However, there is another method of ‘notch accumulation’. There are people who lead others on and keep stringing them along for the constant slew of attention they receive. They never take it further; knowing they could have them at the drop of a dime is just as good as having them. In turn, they continue to feel better about themselves while once again increasing their appeal. If actress Karisma Kapoor was the girl next door as opposed to the Bollywood diva she is, she would hardly be as coveted as she is. That ‘appeal’ and the desire to conquer is as much of an aphrodisiac as anything else on the market.

Haters

We’ve all grown up with them and know exactly who they are. These malcontents, who stew with…