Bhaiband Girl, Bombay

Answer:

Dear Bhaiband girl,

“Don’t we all look for love at the end of it all? Doesn’t love erase all caste, boundaries and differences?”

Ok, let’s stop dreaming and get back to reality.

You see, there are different types of Sindhis. It’s not about which is superior or inferior, it’s just about coming from different places and different backgrounds. Bhaibands were usually the traders and Larkanas were the educated ones and got good jobs. They did very well for themselves. In the olden days it was about getting married to the same status in which you were born but times have changed now. Today Bhaiband Sindhis are getting good jobs after their education and Larkana Sindhis have their own businesses as well so there is not much of a difference anymore in the status. In the end, it all comes down to being comfortable and the decision is yours. It’s up to you to sit down with your parents and reason out your differences with them in a calm and civilized manner. You shouldn’t make the decision of choosing your life partner based on love only – that happens only in Hindi movies. If he is from a good family, doing well for himself, and will be able to take care of you, then try to explain to your parents all that. If he’s still not yet working and can’t support you, or has no family business to fall back on, then I’d suggest you listen to your parents and do as they advise.

Q: Dear Nicky, I am a 26-year-old woman. Before I got married my husband and I dated for a year. It has been five years since we have been married. Immediately after the marriage, I realized what completely different people we are. My husband can be very mean at times and only shouts. He is mean to the kids and after only fifteen minutes of spending time with family, he makes a big deal of it. I feel so helpless lately.

From: Vechari, Chicago.

Answer:

Dear Vechari,

They usually say women are hard to understand even though men are equally difficult to understand. Everyone needs someone to vent out on. In this case, it is your family that your husband is using. It could be that his work is very stressful which is leads to his anger outbreaks. After 6 years of knowing him, I’m sure you pretty much know how he would react to certain things.

After some time though in a marriage, things start to get very monotonous and routine. Everyday seems to be the same and there is no more excitement in your day-to-day life. Try to change things around the house to more of your husband’s liking. Make your home someplace where he can be more comfortable. If you know that he likes watching TV, lighten his mood by turning on a game or some comedy so both of you can sit and watch together. Try to have your kids in bed early so he can get some peace of mind with some silence. Get on his good side even if it means sucking up to him, it would be worth it. Be more loving and understanding. Every man is a child himself and needs constant attention, so treat him like one and make sure he doesn’t know what you are doing. Maybe you have been too busy in your daily routine and that is affecting him. Talk to him and find out what is bothering him. On the weekends, do the things he wants to do. Doing this for some time will make him feel better; a marriage is about sacrifices after all.

Q: Dear Nicky, I recently got married but have been living away from my parents since I went to college, although I visit them regularly. I currently live in Hong Kong and my parents are staying in India. I feel guilty that since I’m the only son/child, my parents are living alone when they should be with us. I’m undecided whether I should ask them to come live with me. I would like them to be here while my kids are growing up. I’m in a moral dilemma and since I’ve had proper Sindhi values instilled in me, I feel guilty all the time. Please advice what would you would do in this situation?

From Only Son, HK

Dear Only Son,

This is a tough decision to make. There are a lot of factors that should affect your decision.

a)      Are you able to afford it? Hong Kong is an expensive city to live in. You should work on your finances and see if you can afford it.

b)      Does your wife get along with them, and is she nice and understanding enough to make the sacrifices it takes to live in a joint family? It can be hard living with in-laws in this day and age. 80% of women do not get along with their mother-in-laws and will never really get along with them.

c)      Will you be able to handle the extra responsibility of taking care of them all the time? It’s a full-time affair to take care of family especially after you have been living away from them for some time.

d)     Are you close to your parents? I am sure you are since they brought you up well. Only a person with good upbringing and values would consider their parents’ feelings. I’m proud of you.

e)      Are they willing to live away from India? Most people are very accustomed to living in India. My parents, for example, won’t even think of living away from the conveniences that Pune have to offer them even though I’ve told them to live in Dubai with me.

If all these criteria are in the positive, then only should you ask them to come live with you. If not, you can visit them often. Come via Dubai and bring me Char siu (pork on rice).

Within a week of getting the car in Belize the cooling system was giving trouble. I managed to sort out that problem and before you know it the battery died. After I changed that, the fuel pump gave way. As soon as that was repaired the alternator decided to join the club of “Car Parts That Are Useless To Me”. During this time I joined an online forum dedicated to MG cars. The following is a post that was published about a week ago.

As previous posts have brought to your attention, I’ve been having major issues with my MGB. First the cooling system, then the fuel pump and this week the alternator, so it might come as a bit of a surprise that I have time to notice that the car does not come with a cup holder.

Earlier today I finally got the car back to working condition and was taking it out for a nice evening drive. I stopped off at a street vendor where I devoured some tacos and exchanged pleasantries with a young latin girl who was curious about the car. Upon finishing up I proceeded back to my car with half a bottle of Coke. I sat down put the key in the ignition and was looking to place the bottle down in a secure place when I realized there just wasn’t any place to do that. I lifted up the center console and wedged the bottle in there, using the tension to hold it in place.

Upon the drive home I contemplated as to where can you fit a cupholder in this already tiny car? Then it dawned on me, I have the perfect cup holder for this car…

By Ajay Hotchandani

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Order, Order, Order!  The Court of Man Law is currently in session. On the agenda today is the enforceability, legality and the validity of a contract/promise.  It has been called to our attention that there are a growing number of cases against men brought forth by their girlfriend(s)/wife/friends-with-benefits and/or one time pleasure partners.  The pattern of chief complaint in these cases is the breach of promises made by men (no surprises there).  However, it must be addressed before this plague spreads further.

First, it must be noted that according to the Court of Man Law, a promise is the equivalent of a verbal contract.  Therefore, an oral promise (no pun intended) can be held against a man as a binding contract or agreement.  However, it must be duly noted that just because the man verbally made a promise, it does not immediately validate the said promise.  It must be proven beyond a reasonable doubt that the promise was made without the fear of repercussion or denial of some form of loving.  Statements such as “you get the sofa tonight”, “don’t come close to me for a week” or “are you sure you want to do this?” will be mandated as coercion and duress therefore sufficient to revoke such contracts.

Here are articles extracted from Man Law – Contracts, which should help clarify the situation.

A man shall be held accountable to fulfill any promise made to his partner, regardless if the said promise was verbal, written, or acted out during a game of charades.  Implied, speculated or expected promises are not sufficient enough to warrant being fulfilled.  With that said, here are the following rules in which a man will not and cannot be held accountable for his promises irrelevant of the method of delivery of such promise even if it was written on bond paper, notarized and under seal (and I do say promises because the male species is not the brightest and is guaranteed to repeat the mistake several times):

a) Promises made in an attempt to impress a girl, woman, women or anyone of the opposite sex (sex change operations count too).

b) Promises made half an hour prior to and/or after a minimum of a “make-out” session. Make out session is defined as any form of touching with the lips anywhere.

c)

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Being that I’m the “Bathroom Humorist”, which I still think the joke is on me with that title, I feel it’s time for some good bathroom stories and anecdotes.  The following are events and hypothetical situations that have and would have occurred in the bathroom.

The 4 a.m Engineer

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the bathroom before me?” Amit asked.

“Go ahead,” I replied.

I was planning on using it after him.  At about 1:25 a.m. he emerges with a grin on his face, followed by a nauseating scent behind him.

“Dude, where’s the plunger?”

Oh no, this cannot be good news, for anyone who knows this guy is also aware of his notorious show-stopping bowel movements.  If there were ever an Olympic competition called the Show-Stopping Bowel Movement Event, he would be a gold medal contender, and proud of it!  I’ve never met anyone as proud as he is of his bowel movements.

Prodding around the apartment and its one and only bathroom, our search proved futile.  At about 2:30 a.m. we realized that the plunger was with the neighbor, who like the rest of the city, was asleep.  What to do, what to do? Walmart was closed.  Not to mention at this point, I really wish I had gone before him.

Now we had to start thinking outside the box (or toilet).  Our first attempt at a ‘homeopathic’ plumbing remedy was to dissolve the solid matter with Clorox, as it is known to dissolve hair clogs.  Apparently this boy eats rubber and cement because it’s just about the two things that Clorox won’t dissolve – the toilet was still clogged up.  Ok, before you read beyond this point, ask yourself what would you do?  Now what I did next, I myself was not ready for what I found. I did an internet search for, ‘unclogging toilet without plunger’ and it yielded several results that all stated the same thing: “Hold a bucket of water up high and pour in quickly so gravity and the force of the water pushes the solid matter (in this case rubber and cement) down the pipes.”  This little science experiment at 4 a.m. resulted in nothing more than water being splashed all over, and uncontrollable laughter from our stupidity.  We were out of ideas. Left with no other option, Amit left the house in search of a 24-hour place that just might have a plunger, and thank God for that! Otherwise his hand, wrapped in a plastic bag, would have found its way down the same path he sent his Pipe-Clogging Matter earlier.

At 5 a.m. all the patrons of the gas station patiently waited in line to pay for their morning coffee or gas and wondered why this boy stood so proudly, with a grin on his face, and a plunger in his hand!

Am I the only one?

As most of the readers of my articles have come to conclude, I’m not normal when it comes to thought content and actions.  So the following might not be a surprise, however, this one is pretty weird, weird enough to surprise me and the voices in my head.  I’m not sure why I want to do this, but I feel it would be absolutely hilarious to do if I can just pull it off.

In a public restroom stall, while seated on the royal throne, you often get to see your neighbor’s footwear pretty well.  As a matter of fact, the shoes are so close to you that they are within arm’s length and this is what led me to the following idea.  One day, I want to walk into the stall, leave the door open, sit down and make sure my neighbor has his pants around his ankle.  Then I want to quickly pull his shoe laces so they come undone and run out! I told you it was a strange idea! I don’t know why it would be funny, but can you just imagine your reaction if you were seated, using the bathroom, and someone reached from under and quickly pulled on your laces?  Your first reaction would be, “What the hell!” and that, my friends, is one of the sick twisted things that keep me up at night!

Things that bother me!

Now I don’t really have a right to say that certain things in a bathroom bother me or are weird when my idea of fun is untying some poor guy’s shoe laces.  But one really weird experience I had was once in the stall, when this guy in the neighboring stall attempted to start a conversation with me.  His opening line was, “Boy you really had to go to the bathroom, didn’t ya?”  First off, how audible are my bodily functions that this stranger is commenting on it?  And secondly, how desperate are you for a friend that you would strike up a conversation about bodily functions in a men’s bathroom?  All guys know this: there is ABSOLUTELY NO TALKING TO STRANGERS IN THE MEN’S BATHROOM!  You break this cardinal rule, and well, people will think you are weird.

The heavy weight of all bathroom experiences!

During our lifetime we all have had experiences that stuck with us; events that we will forever share with friends, family and strangers who buy this magazine.  And for the purpose of this article I will share such an experience with you, an experience that occurred (where else?) in the bathroom.

It was in a public restroom in a club back in Belize.  I was walking into the Men’s Room when a security guard stopped me.  I was a bit perplexed by this, however, before I could say anything, my uncle, the proprietor of CLUB EDEN, was standing next to the security guard and said it was okay for me to enter the Men’s Room.  Not giving too much thought to it, I just walked towards one of the two urinals; the other was already occupied.  I proceeded to do my business and from the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of the guy next to me who looked a bit familiar.  And then I realized it was his security guard who was waiting outside, and the rumor that this celebrity was in club turned out to be true. I was taking a piss next to Lenox Lewis, at that time, the heavy weight boxing champion.  For a second I was stricken with fear and stopped peeing mid-stream.  My bladder froze up.  Next to me stood a man who was 6′6 and 260 pounds (I’m 5′10 and 140 pounds), a man who can snap me in half with one punch.

With most celebrities, you want to look over and get a good view of them, say hi and shake their hand, however, I didn’t think this would be the appropriate situation.  Rule number one: No talking and eyes forward when using the urinal! But you just can’t help it, I mean, come on! This was the heavy weight champion.

All these thoughts ran through my mind; what if I look over and realize that this man could double up as a camera tripod on his day off – I don’t think I could look away.  As a man of science and medicine, curiosity would get the best of me and I wouldn’t be able to look away, and that would lead to one of two things; him getting mad and hitting me which would hurt very much, OR him looking over, smiling and winking at me which has the potential to hurt even more. Whatever the case may be, I was still standing there; pants undone, frozen, and struggling against my eyes wondering over.  Before I knew it, my head snapped over and he looked down at me.

“Don’t look down, don’t  look down, don’t look down!” I mentally kept repeating to myself. Thank God I listened. The next thing I remembered was we both nodded at each other, and looked away.

by Chandru Bhojwani

Observations

Throughout life there are multiple observations that we make on a daily basis, and these numerous thoughts that cross our mind are stored way at the back. After much pondering, I felt it was time to put pen to paper and bring some of these long lost thoughts to the forefront.

Glam Shots

Facebook, Friendster, My Space and every other social website is littered with vanity shots on crack. Some have them up for fun, while others utilize them as a tool to garner attention and interest from the opposite sex (or maybe the same sex). The issue is that ‘Glam Shots’ are simply no more than false advertising. The individual never looks as good as the picture, and he/she is only creating high expectations in turn, setting the audience (and themselves) up for disappointment. So boys and girls, next time you drool over a glam pic of a supposed hottie on Facebook, just keep in mind, ‘Glam’s a scam!’ and demand a Polaroid!

Reflections and Ratings

As the saying goes ‘the friends you keep reflect who you are,’ and as one matures, we learn that there is a certain level of merit to that statement. Mingling with the likes of the serial party crasher or the pseudo spiritual who, in reality, is a slave to society, can (and does) alter the public’s perception of you. The thinking is, ‘if his/her circle of friends is damaged, then by association, he/she must be too’! Of course, this isn’t always the case; every rule has its exception. But more often than not, the theory holds. Hence, we are victims of perception by association – this is no truer than when it comes to the dating scene. The fact is that we are often rated by our past transgressions or conquests which can work both for, or against us. To illustrate this notion, I’ll share a dialogue that occurs every so often;

A: Dude, what about Amy, she’s cute?

B: She is but she dated Jay and he’s an absolute wan*er.

Such ideology is a two-way street, which is to say when an individual is involved with someone out of their league, it only raises their stock value in the eyes of the public. Many will argue that such thinking is superficial. Unfortunately, such is the society we live in.

Another Notch

We’re all aware of individuals who womanize and ‘manize’ and etch another notch on their bedpost with every conquest. However, there is another method of ‘notch accumulation’. There are people who lead others on and keep stringing them along for the constant slew of attention they receive. They never take it further; knowing they could have them at the drop of a dime is just as good as having them. In turn, they continue to feel better about themselves while once again increasing their appeal. If actress Karisma Kapoor was the girl next door as opposed to the Bollywood diva she is, she would hardly be as coveted as she is. That ‘appeal’ and the desire to conquer is as much of an aphrodisiac as anything else on the market.

Haters

We’ve all grown up with them and know exactly who they are. These malcontents, who stew with…

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Is Veganism a cult?
Umm, yeah. We have secret meetings and sign our names in our own blood. Of course it isn’t.

A Rock Metal band then?
No although there are a lot of punk and rock bands that advocate it.

What is Veganism and is it contagious?
It’s a philosophy of life and yes, I think it’s contagious. Veganism is a philosophy that is based on peace and the idea of respect for all sentient beings. Vegans believe that humans have no right to use animals for our own ends. A vegan is a person who does not consume and avoids using any products that come from animals, including meat, dairy, leather, fur, wool, etc.

Vegans believe that since animals have the capacity to suffer physically just like humans, and that they have the capacity to suffer mentally in many ways similar to humans, we have no right to abuse or exploit them. It is true that animals cannot reason as we can, or are “more stupid” than us, but how does that give us the right to use them? I’d like to mention a famous quote by Jeremy Bentham that goes with that sentiment:

“The question is not, ‘Can they reason?’ nor, ‘Can they talk?’ but rather, ‘Can they suffer?’”

We are spared the sight of slaughterhouses – all we see is what ends up on our plate and we do not think of it as being a once-living, sentient being. But if we all saw the suffering, I know things would be different for most people.

Is there a rivalry between the Vegans and Jains?
Not that I know of?

How does Veganism differ from Vegetarianism?
Vegetarians do not eat the flesh of animals, while vegans go beyond that and do not eat or use anything that comes from animals.

So taking into account the number of Vegans, Vegetarians and Jains, if there was a war between the three groups, who would win?
That’s a peculiar question but since you asked, probably the vegetarians since there are so many more of them….vegans are pretty passionate about their beliefs and might carry that into the battle, but I do not think they would do well against the number of vegetarians out there.

What usually turns someone into a Vegan; is there a common turning point amongst most people?
Numerous people attribute their decision to becoming vegan to a book by Peter Singer called ‘Animal Liberation’. The book talks about the ethics behind being vegetarian or vegan and the conditions of animals in factory farms. Many call the book the bible of the animal rights movement. It’s kind of what really got the ball moving on activism for animals.

Others say they turned vegan or vegetarian from learning about the conditions in factory farms from other sources such as pamphlets and videos from animal rights organizations and activists.

Do Vegans have a leader, the Head Vegan perhaps, and how long has this cult been around?
I do not have the authority to disclose that information.

How long has Veganism been around?
I know it’s been around a very long time…but it’s been picking up in popularity lately.

How does one become a Vegan – is registration and a fee required?
Some people turn cold turkey and just stop eating meat, eggs, and dairy all at once but that is not too common. Usually people transform in stages – most of the vegans I know were vegetarian first, and then turned vegan after a few years or so. I think that is the best way to go – it gives your body time to adjust, and it lets you learn the different non-meat foods out there so you know what else there is to eat before you take the next step.

How about some sort of incentive, like a free T-Shirt or a 401k plan?
Nope. The only incentive, which I think is a great one, is the knowledge that you are living a more compassionate lifestyle and are not contributing to animal suffering.

Does Vegansim have any religious connotations?
People have linked it to any religion’s preaching of compassion and nonviolence, so religion can be used to back up veganism.

Is Veganism itself a religion, belief or faith?
Not really. It’s more of an extension of the belief that animals are not ours to use.

Do Vegans wear a uniform, tattoo or have any other form of branding so they can be identified?
Nope, we blend right in with ‘normal people’.

What if a Vegan consumes non-Vegan products by mistake, are they to spend eternity in Vegan purgatory?
That happens all the time because it is very hard to know exactly what goes into the foods and products you use. So no, they do not go to vegan purgatory, they just try to avoid it next time.

What does one have to do if they wanted to leave the Vegan band and go solo? Is there a prayer or ritual, a Virgin Sacrifice perhaps?
They can’t ever leave.

Good for Vegans cause you’d be hard pressed to find a Virgin to sacrifice in this day and age, am I right or am I right?
Yeah you probably are.

Does your kind go from door to door in robes trying to convert people to your faith?
We do not need to do that. Like I said before, veganism is contagious. We try to educate people on why we made the decision to make the switch, not by going door to door, though, and usually they see our point of view.

Do you Vegans congregate around a fire in the dark of night and chant spells?
You’d have to join them in order to find out.

Is it true that your kind are allergic to sunlight, garlic and holy water and the only way to get rid of you is a wooden stake through the heart? Also, you should know I have a stake under my chair so no sudden movements, capiche?
Why would I tell you how to get rid of vegans? And I think you’re probably thinking of Vampires.

Vampires? But I thought you were Vegan!
That’s it, this interview is over!

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Ms.Sunaina Chugani for taking the time out to help shed light on the topic of Veganism and for being such a good sport about it.