Q: Dear Nicky and Neetu,
I am a 35 year old Sindhi woman and I live in Singapore. I work as a successful lawyer, make alot of money, have a great group of friends and am very happy except for one tiny little thing – I want to have a child. I have been in relationships in the past and unfortunately they have not worked out. I feel I have come to terms with the fact that I may never marry, but the yearning for a child grows stronger every year. I was thinking of adopting or looking for a sperm donor but my parents and the Sindhi societies around the world may react unfavourably. Why is this so and what would you advise?
~Wannabe Mother, Singapore
A: Dear Soon to be Single Mother,
Having just recently become a mommy myself, I understand why you would want to have a baby. A child will love you unconditionally and the bond between a mother and child is everlasting. Every woman should experience motherhood at least once in their life – it is the best feeling in the world. However, that being said, having a child is no joke. It takes a lot of time and dedication. Do you still plan to work as a lawyer after the baby is born? I am also a lawyer and know what long hours lawyers work. Who is going to look after the baby while you are at work? Do you want your child to be raised by a helper or your parents, or do you plan to quit your job. If you quit your job, then who is going to pay the bills? Will you be able to afford a baby? To answer your question, forget about what people think, especially the Sindhi community. Do what you think is right for yourself and your baby. If you feel that your child will be able to have a great life without a father figure then go ahead and have a child. You seem to have a lot of love to give. However, just realize that having a child is a big decision that will change your life forever. Not to mention that the likelihood of you getting married as a single mother will be slim to none, since any guy you marry will need to accept the fact that you have a child that is not his. Make sure you are ready for the consequences of your decision, because once you have the child there is no turning back.
A: Dear Wannabe,
I think its time people stop watching these damn movies and shows and read magazines with Angelina and Brad doing their nonsense. There used to be a natural order of things. Man meets girl. Man does girl. Condom breaks. Baby comes out. HAHAHAHA! I really crack myself up. Listen up woman, it’s quite a simple dilemma. You women just like doing drama for no reason! Do you want a kid bad enough to be able to deal with the whole family and community treating you like an outcast? When it comes to your parents you just have to put your foot down. Tell them this is what you want. Who gives a crap about the rest of the world! It’s mostly family that will be there when you truly need them. Do what you have to so that they believe that your nonsense actually makes sense. Also you have to take into consideration the hardships you will face being a single mother. Talk to more single mothers out there and then make your decision after you have exhausted all queries. A life is not something you take lightly. You should be able to give the child the best you can.
Sincerely, Awesome Nicky
Q: Dear Nicky & Neetu,
I am a 27 year old Sindhi male living in Madrid. I work for a pharmaceutical company and earn an average salary a month. When I go on dates with women, I always pay because I believe it is a man’s prerogative to pay. Anyway, I met this girl a month ago and fell in love with her – she is great in everything except for one thing; she is poor. She works as a waitress and cannot afford much. Along with that, she has too much pride in letting me pay for her. She insists on going Dutch most times and since she’s so stubborn, I allow it. Recently, she’s been turning down many of my requests to hang out or do things and I suspect it is the money thing. How do I make her feel comfortable in letting me pay for everything as long as I get to spend time with her – there’s only so much ‘chilling at home’ that I can take.
Rich Boy, Madrid
A: Dear Wuss aka Rich Boy,
It’s not about her being rich or poor that really matters. You should not let a woman pay no matter what excuse she comes up with! You have to wait for a while, and then take her out when you know she can afford it and she is comfortable. Once she steps out, you have to make it clear to her that you are very uncomfortable with her going Dutch. Tell her that your parents haven’t brought you up in a way where it’s ok with you for a woman to pay. Besides that, if you do like her so much, I think its time you make your intentions obvious. Tell her that you are not comfortable letting a woman pay. That goes for all you stupid women out there who do not know how to let a guy pay for you when you go out. It’s what we do. Stop doing drama about the whole woman’s lib thing! It’s time you start dealing with it. At least that way you might feel guilty about us paying and let us get to second base!
A: Dear Looking for a Gold Digger,
What are you complaining about? You should be happy to have found someone that is not a gold digger. This girl sounds like a keeper. She obviously works hard for her money and knows the value of a dollar. At least you know she is not dating you for the free dinners and movies. She must really like you. If you are tired of ‘chilling at home’ maybe you should plan dates that don’t cost a lot of money. Go to the beach and get some ice-cream, have a picnic lunch in the park, go see a matinee movie, go to a museum or window shop at the mall. If all else fails, you can always get dinner at McDonalds… that should be quite inexpensive. You don’t have to spend a lot of money to have a good time with someone.